momtourage

Being an example

I like to exercise. I enjoy the physical activity, the way it helps clear my mind, reduce stress, and keep me in "fighting form". In the past year I started running, which was always an activity I detested. I didn't do it well, I thought it was boring, and it hurt my knees. Then a friend from out of town was coming to Brooklyn to run a 5K. I decided to run with her. That's how it all started. 

Now I run about 20 miles a week and though I don't love it, I enjoy getting better and proving to myself that I can indeed do it. I used to run on the treadmill at the gym in the morning (before everyone woke and the day really started) and if I could, in the park on the weekend. Because I would go so early (5:00 am) I was afraid to run in the park by myself. That changed last week when I met up with a group of gals who run in the park at 5:30 five days a week. It's so much more fun to run with others outside that I can hardly believe all the miles I logged on a treadmill. 

All of this to say, O notices. She knows that I leave the house before she and J wake up. She knows that I go to yoga four nights a week. We practice poses together and she often asks to run with me. I told her that I hope when the weather warms up we can go together and she can scooter or ride her bike while I run. 

Until yesterday she never actually saw me run (there have been many failed attempts for them to come to runs to see me. Many.). I ran a Turkey Trot out on Coney Island and she and J came to watch/cheer me on. It was great motivation knowing that they were there. When I finished she was so excited! She kept telling me how fast I was and how she thinks she can go faster. She asked when she could race because she saw some older kids running. 

I'm glad that she sees J and I being physically active and having fun. I love that she feels inspired by it. I hope that by example, we're instilling in her a lifelong desire/habit for wanting to exercise and have fun.

 

(excuse the camera-phone image)

Growth

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this already, but O has been growing a lot. Over the summer her shoe size went from a 10.5 to a 12. (I was much chagrined at that while at the shoe store in September). In October we went to her fantastic doctor who pronounced her to be 44 pounds and 44 inches tall. That would be four pounds and an inch and a half taller from when we measured her in August.

This morning before school she asked to be measured again. Forty-five and a half inches tall. Is that possible? To grow an inch and a half in a month? She's four and a half. I'm in a bit of disbelief and amazement. Wonder Woman indeed.

What Vegas looks like to us

When I told friends, coworkers, and acquaintances that We were going on our first family vacation to Vegas I received many a condescending look. Friends of ours live there, dear friends whom we don't see nearly enough. I last visited them in 2000, when their son, my godson was nine months old. He's now ten and their daughter eight. Too long. 

During my last visit, my fried S and I went out one night to see the Strip. We had dinner, walked around, she made me play at least one slot machine, then we finished the evening with a martini at the piano bar at the Bellagio. Other than that one night my visit consisted of going to Mt. Charleston, the Red Rocks, and lots of just tooling around. 

This visit wasn't much different. Except we went to the Bellagio to show the kids the garden,

went to the Hoover Dam,

played in our friends' backyard,

saw some beautiful scenery,

and more scenery.

We had a great time. O had a blast, being able to run in and out of the house, playing with the older kids, and just hanging out. We can't wait to go back again.

Trying to keep up

Every year it happens. Summer ends and all of a sudden we are social butterflies coming out of a hibernation of trying to stay out of the heat and humidity. Also, we stay in Brooklyn all summer, whereas most people have the wherewithal to get the heck out. 

We have had some form of overnight visitor, guest, fun events, obligatory events, etc. since the start of school. We're constantly amazed at how full our calendar is. Though it's hard to be be "on" all the time, the fact that the weather is cool makes it easier for me. I truly cannot deal in any kind of heat. 

I've been reveling in reacquainting myself with my kitchen, especially my oven. I've been sewing and knitting up a storm. I've renewed and have been faithful to my yoga practice. I've been building up my mileage (for runs) and enjoy the sense of accomplishment I get from it.

You know, I'm really embracing life. I'm still more impatient than I'd like to be, and I need to slow down some more, but I'm feeling more present. For which I'm thankful and hope to share more in this space in the future.

Namaste, my friends. 

Kindness

I'm trying hard to practice kindness with/to myself. I struggle with this. Case in point: I typically wake at 4:45 during the week in order to go to the gym before the family wakes up. It's hard, and I'm in bed most nights by 9:30, but it's the only time I have to get in my exercise. This week, my daughter is with my parents and I don't have to worry about getting myself and her ready to get out the door in the morning, nor do I have to worry about getting home on time in order to cook dinner, play, clean, and prepare for the next day.

Yesterday and this morning I woke with my alarm at 4:45 and decided to not go to the gym. I wanted to sleep in a bit. I'm tired. Would taking a week off be that bad. Well for over 45 minutes each morning I lay in bed and argued with myself. That yes, I was being ridiculous and that I HAD to go to the gym. What would my body do if I took a whole week off? Who do I think I am? I'll feel terrible if I don't get my workouts in. Or will I?

I'm hoping that a week of taking it easy, perhaps running in the park after work since the weather is so lovely and I don't have to make dinner and prepare for the next day as usual, will be the break I need.

Why is it so hard for me to be easy on myself? I know that if any of my friends told me any of what I'm writing here I would encourage them to take the break. Go for a walk in the park and observe. Just be. Everyone needs a break, bodies need rest, time to recharge. Be appreciated. But I'm struggling with it. Part of me wonders why I'm being such a wimp. Lazy. Selfish, even.

My birthday is approaching and as I land solidly in my thirties, I am trying to truly listen to myself and not be so overcome with self-imposed expectations. Where is the line of being kind and honoring yourself and still challenging and expanding your expectations and comfort zones?

I want to be a healthy example for O. I want her to see me try my hardest to be healthy, try new things, but yet I don't want to overdo it. I don't want her to push herself past the point of what's healthy.

explosion

Last night there was an explosion at the house. It was me. I exploded. 

I volunteered at a 5K close by and since I wasn't going to see J and O, they met me for a few minutes at the park. I handed J my bag as I didn't want to deal with it. Fast forward to the race ending around 8, i have no purse, no keys, no money, no phone. When I got to our door I rang the bell. No answer. Well, J could be finishing up putting O to bed. Buzz again. Nothing. Rise and repeat for ten minutes.

At this point I'm annoyed but starting to panic. O's breathign has been terrible with all the humidity so I begin to wonder if a trip to the hospital happened. But wouldn't he leave a note on the door for me?

I decided to go to the diner a few doors down and ask to use their phone. J didn't answer. I went back to our door and tried again, for five minutes, to buzz and get an answer. 

I finally went and called again and he answered. He had been sleeping. He slept through my buzzing intermittently for thirty minutes. 

So then I get into the apartment and there are dishes everywhere. I asked if O's lunch was made for tomorrow. "no."

I lost it. We're both exhausted and stressed. Money is beyond tight but I had reached my boiling point. I'm working full time, yet still doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundering, lunch-making, family administrator, etc. If he were out all day he would never ask if O's lunch were made, if her bag was ready for camp the next day. Dishes wouldn't be strewn about. It would just be done.

There were tears. Pleas for help. 

It was hard. I could have handled it so much better. We are better for it this morning. We listened. 

Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Motherhood is hard. Remembering myself through it all seems to be the hardest for me.

At it again

This weekend I was Productive. Yes, with a capital P. Things are a bit tight, shall we say in the financial sence at chez Mellbury and there are plenty of birthdays a-comin'. Thankfully I have a wee stash of yarns, fabrics, and notions from which to choose. For my friend's seven-year-old daughter I made these (well, I didn't make the shirts, just stiched on pieces from other fabric I had.):

I made another skirt with the same fabric, though with cream ribbon at the bottom for anotehr friend's daughter who will be two soon.

For my dear friend N, I made this for her 35th birthday later this week:

I also made fair progress on a sweater for my mom;s bday at the beginning of next month, though no photo of that yet. Here is the pattern for it, Flair.

Would it be obnoxious to ask for suggestions for holiday gifts? Or any known sales on fabrics or yarns? My stash is now near-depleted! 

a summer weekend (in pictures)

It started with our CSA haul.

Then we went to the Prospect Park Zoo.

After a nice, long nap (such a rarity!), we enjoyed a Cyclones game.

Sunday was a bit more relaxing with a trip to Governors Island.

I wish I had another weekend day to recover!

stages

Last week I had a realization, I think that it should have come sooner, but for whatever reason it didn't. I have entered a new stage of parenting.

The questions come fast and furious: God made the world, why? Why are people always shooting? This is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. I don't know where many of these questions come from. Beyond questions are the statements such as, If you do that you'll die and be dead.

Whew. Long gone are the days of just keeping them well fed, clean, and entertained. I have to say that I enjoy this new stage thus far. It's certainly challenging, but I love interacting with O and really getting some serious conversations going. Watching her mind expand and evolve, I think has been my favorite part of being a mom. So far.

new month

This week O has been in MA visiting with my folks. I miss her terribly but know that she is having a grand time. Yesterday they went to the Providence Children's Museum, where fun was clearly had.

 

I miss her terribly but am relishing not making lunches every night and scrambling to make supper to eat by 6:30. J and I managed to go out to eat twice and go shopping for house things we needed. Today he has taken off for a bike ride to WestPoint and I am doing laundry and priming a wall to paint tomorrow. I have grand ideas of finishing a sweater I've been working on, crafting up some other things, and cooking. Oh, and work my CSA shift tomorrow.

I can't wait for O to come back Sunday. Happy Fourth, everyone!